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Time and again, it is proven that I have no LUCK, none at all, for cosplay. My luck is so bad, I NEVER won in mahjong/blackjack, even in games like Monopoly, I'll lose 9 times out of the 10 times I play. This just proves that I'm unlucky. Studies-wise, my luck's definitely better, but I'm not here to bitch about my studies. It's MY FUCKING COSPLAY.

When I first started wanting to cosplay, I wanted Anise and hence started on it. Progress was slow and as my exams rolled near, I gave up on it altogether. 2 years later, another friend agreed to cosplay Tales of the Abyss with me, as Jade. Whoo! I was damn-near bouncing off the walls. I've admired good cosplayers for a long time and... frankly I wanted my Anise to be perfect. I do not have a sewing machine, nor do I have sewing skills, so I requested for my grandmother to help me. She agreed. She was very picky about details and I thought my Anise was in good hands.

But FUCK NO.

My aunt just had to call today to tell me that my cosplay is stressing my grandma out. Okay, I immediately agreed to tell her it's okay, I'll but one off the market. But now that I think about it, I shouldn't have done that.

Look at the commercial Anise costumes, those that you can buy ready made. OH MY GAWD the SLEEVES!!! There're GUTTERS. Which part of the anime/game do you see those ugly things?! Don't tell me it's not possible NOT to have gutters or the sleeves will slip-off bullshit. I've MADE MY SLEEVES and when i wear them, you CAN'T SEE the gutters. See? There's evidence!

THEN LOOK AT THE MANTEL/CAPE-THING whatever. The design!!! I'll just faint from the horror.

So my cosplay goes down the drain, I don't even feel like cosplaying anymore, but Jade will probably kill me. Because I psychoed him into cosplaying Jade and his costume is arriving soon. Heck, I don't even know (if I place an order for the next batch for Elysium) whether the costume will arrive in time. Shoes... I'm still looking for the god-damned court shoes. Tokunaga... Hell do I look like I have time?! I've even bought the god-damned wig!!! OH MY GOD IF I CAN'T COSPLAY FOR EOY AT THE END OF THIS YEAR I DUNNO WHAT I'LL DO. Cosplay is like one of the top things I wanna do before I die. Hell, I'm 19. Cosplaying a freaking 12-year-old(?). Shit I am not that young anymore. For me, cosplaying is being pretty and having fun. BUT IF I AM SUCH A PERFECTIONIST AND MY COSPLAY IS NO GOOD, I'LL BE SO PISSED.

Which brings me back to my Jade friend. For one time, we were really good friends, but now, I don't even jackshit what he's doing anymore. He's taking longer and longer to reply my smses. I must be that annoying huh? This really reminds me of my "ex-boyfriend." I think I don't even want to call him my ex. Plays his god-damned MapleStory all day. Never replies my smses. Strained phone calls.

What is this world coming to?! Where are all the boys that're at least gentlemanly enough to reply to you on time? Ask you how's it going? Seriously. I think it's my "awesome" luck at work again. All my life, all the boys I meet suck. K2. (6 years old) I told a boy in school I like him. He and his older brother laughed and made fun of my "love-letter." Seriously I really regretted doing that now. How dumb. Primary 5 and 6. There's a damned Desmond (yes I still remember his name dammit. see how traumatized I am?!) who bullies me non-stop. Laugh. Sneer at. Whatever. Annoying asshole. I had a crush on his good friend, a really quiet boy (but since his name is not common I shall not say it.) Of course, it never progressed more than a crush. Two years later. I met a "nice boy." Told him I like him. I got rejected and then suddenly the whole world knows. Oh hell. The next year, I got to know this boy. He's really funny and kind of nice to talk to. Told him twice I like him, but when he showed any sign of rejection, I told him I am joking. The next year, I finally got on with my ex. We were classmates in Primary 6 and we stayed in contact. Of course, we "broke-up" less than 2 months later. I just walked off. I've never really said anything. I learnt my lesson then. So I stayed off boys. After I graduated from Secondary school, I stayed away from the boys in my Junior College. Thankfully my class doesn't have much boys. During PAE, I got to know Jade. We kept it contact and stuff. Went out alot. But we're just good friends. I guess. Sometimes I really wonder if i really like like him. I think it's better if I don't. After all,(cough) he's a little... immature. And I resent the fact that he's not considering pursuing further studies, he plays games a lot and well. The way he treats me is definitely not the way a boyfriend would treat the girlfriend. So I guess we'll stay as friends.

I think some self-reflection is in order though. I think I am too immature to know the true meaning of what, love and commitment and stuff. Sure, if I have a boyfriend, I'll definitely stick with him and all. But I think girls nowadays treat their boyfriends like a life-buoy. When a "better suitor" comes along, they ditch their current boyfriend and hang on to their new catch until another better one comes along. My cousins. Oh my poor cousin. I have 2 cousins who are such bitches. And a cousin who got dumped by his soon-to-be fiance (they were about to get engaged dammit!). My friend is hanging on to the boy who confessed to her (although i don't think she likes him that much). Whoo... What are girls coming to these days? And not to forget, the girls who make their boyfriends carry their loud pink and fluffy bags. Oh my god. Hang on I think I'm going to be sick.

Whoa. I think I've really digressed a lot from my original topic... Haha. Man...

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